subtleoasis: seizing every moment of life.

I am a procrastinator. I like doing things later, which end-up not being done at all. I consider this as one of the worst sickness that has been controlling me for so long. I am a slave of myself. I am chained to regret. I am prisoner held within the dark and suffocating cell of procrastination. I want to be free.

death

Carpe diem set me free - it opened my eyes to new horizons and it challenged me for real. I've been dreaming about heights, about places to go, about achievements about things that soon I could reach. Then carpe diem came by and told me that what's important is the now, the present. How I use this wonderful present matter so much that tomorrow may not be as important as what I have now. So far I may not be talking with much sense, let me be more personal.

I fear death but I feel, before, that it is still far and I shouldn't be worrying about it. Not until I saw this flower on the ground. Beside it lies the same flower, but without life, without vitality, without the joy that the former brings - it's dead. The same fate is in store for beautiful flower that my lens caught. Perhaps hours after I've released my camera's shutter the vibrant hues that tinted it and its supple and full coat would dry, discolor, die. Its life is bound to be wimpled by the greyness of death.

The same is true for me. The time isn't certain on when my death would be - but what's certain is death. It may come a few hours after typing this piece or before the turn of the century, who knows? There is another thing that I'm sure of, that which I could change, use and build on - the present.

With the certainty of death at hand, carpe diem challenges me: use every moment, suck the marrow out of life, live as if it is your last. All I have is what I have right now. This moment may be my last, this day could spell the consummation of my entire existence. I fear death, but it doesn't scare me to use every ounce of my strength, every air that I breathe to build on the present - to satiate it with love, to labor with the sense of mission.

I still dream, I still aim for greatness but now I work for it minute by minute, hour by hour, day after day - seizing every moment, making it last - not later but now.

Labels: an attempt